Deciding Family Size – When are you done?

How do you decide on your family size? How do you know you are done having babies? Who decides? Then, once decided, what changes take place? What if you want to change your decision? Doesn’t that open a whole new can of worms?

I think our friends and families have come to expect that we are just going to keep having babies until I’m like 50 or something. I’m beginning to think so too. There have been times when I’m “done”. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep, or the busy-ness of my home, but oftentimes I’m not itchin’ for another baby. In fact, I’ve never before wished for one of my babies to grow up faster than they are. And they grow fast enough, don’t you think?

When Wyatt was pushing 6 months old, I was pushin’ to get pregnant again. Jason wanted to wait, until I was healthier again. And then we were blessed with Rayna. I was so happy but so tired; I’m glad my wish didn’t come true on my terms. Rayna was not a demanding baby, but she does love to be held and is up in the night quite a bit. And she’s so darling and a joy most of the time. So it’s not like we’ve been blessed with a tough baby. Since Rayna we’ve gone on to add 3 more boys to our family.

Is feeling “done” a passing phase? Will I soon be beggin’ for another? Do we really trust feelings? Feelings change like the weather, so maybe they’re not the best thing to base a decision on.

Is the reason social? We are one of the biggest families in our community. The feedback I receive is that our children are well-liked and well-mannered. Once in a while I hear rumor that some think we should stop; that we have too many children but I don’t think it is social pressure. I tend to let those things just roll off my back. Most people are excited with each new life.

Am I allowed to just be “done”? Is that okay? Is it any worse (or better) than wanting another and another and another? Who is to decide these things?

When Jason and I were married in 2000, we had Psalm 127 read for family and friends. This passage by Kind Solomon was something on which we wanted to base our marriage and life.

Family Size - Who decides? | ladonnaharris.com | Who decides how big your family will be?

For me, and for Jason, we decided that God chooses our family size. We haven’t always stuck to this over the years, with the concerns of finances and providing for them, and what will people say, but recently, after many unplanned blessings, we finally embraced that no matter what we do, no matter the precautions we take, or the feelings or the decisions we make, God will bless us with more children, if that is his plan. And so with that, you should check out this album I put together on Adobe Spark.

Our Story

 

Blessings to you and yours,

 

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Comments

  1. I am feeling very much done having babies, but I’m also much older than you are (will be 45 this year). I thought I was done after #2, and then our little Nicholas surprised us! DH had the “snip” when I was pregnant, so no more babies here. I am loving my little snuggly 2-year-old, and I will be sad to give up nursing later this year. But on the other hand, I will also have been nursing or pregnant nonstop since I was 38!! (I nursed my middle son until he was almost 3, and then stopped when I got pregnant with my youngest.) So it will be time. But I can definitely relate to your ambivalence.

  2. That’s a wise answer to a tricky qutiseon

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